Good King sauerkraut look out On his feets uneven
There have been many requests for me to get off my duff and publish a new post to Cyclophile. While I do need the money that hard honest work brings in, I will instead bow to peer pressure and put some ruminations into print.
The winter holidays are neer upon us and I am trying hard not to be a scrooge. We are finally getting some much needed rain here in deep south Texas. I should be happy but instead of a quick flash and a loud boom we are getting a whimpering drizzle. I have been spoiled living here so long. I like it when it rains really hard for an hour or two, the sun comes out, everything gets nice and green and my bike stays clean.
What can come of talking about the weather? Not a whole lot we can do about it (aside from vaporizing the ozone layer and melting the ice caps.). So I am going to rave about things that bug me. I have already raged against golf carts. They are back again and just as bad as ever but that is on going and wears thin after awhile. Antagonistic school bus drivers would be a good topic but I think I am going to borrow a term from Yehuda Moon and discuss Bike Ninjas.
Three days a week I get up at 4:30 AM and pour two shots of espresso into my body. By the time 5:30 rolls along I am ready to head out the door to go on a training ride with my good friend Mr. Cheerful. There are several thing wrong with this. I can’t stay up past 9PM and it severely curtails my beer consumption. That and it is really dark out. I have lights. Sponge Bob told me there are three types of headlights. The ones that allow you to see where you are going, the ones the allow you to be seen and the ones that can be seen from space. He made me one of the latter. Most of the riders down here have a blinky, it’s a little red blinking tail light attached to the rear of your body or bike. Most of them are wishful thinking. Mine has been known to induce epilepsy. One rider followed me around like the kid from “Shane” asking me over and over where did I get my blinky.
“Bike Ninjas” is a fanciful term for people who ride at night wearing dark clothing and no lights. We have Yehuda Moon to think for this. Before I heard about Bike Ninjas I just referred to them as morons, organ donors, or stupid m!@#@#@!$%$%ers. You would think this class would be made up entirely of people who ride in shorts and flip flops, typically riding the wrong way down the street with a short case of some wretched lite swill on the handlebars. It isn’t. This group includes many otherwise intelligent people that are either clueless or egotistical enough to think the whole world sees them even in the dark with a little red dot on their ass.
Now if you are dumping opossums at Kmart or tossing roosters over a fence you should really turn all of your lights off. It just makes sense. When you are out in the fog or the dark before dawn and you see a car driving along too fast with no lights, you should stop and think about your own mortality. You only get one shot at living. Riding over to meet the group you need lights. Just because it will be light soon doesn’t mean it is light now. Apparently common sense is not all that common and it is definitely not universal.
So dear reader, as we head into the winter months, put away those black jerseys and break out the reflective tape. Black may be slimming but if you get run over it really doesn’t matter how thin you look. Spend some good money on lights and keep fresh batteries on hand. Be realistic, can your blinky be seen by anyone more than ten feet away? Here is my one little tip for style conscious riders. Get some reflective tape and put a nice strip down your cranks. If you use the silver tape it will be ever so stylish and shows up like a pinwheel in headlights.
Whilst the snoo lay roun' an' 'bout,
All kerchoo achievin'.