With a Little Help from my Friend

Uncle Mikey came by last Saturday. He needed some cables and I happened to have some. He also seems to need a draft most of the time but that never stops him from hammering. We all love our irascible Uncle Mikey but I now have reason to doubt his fealty.

Here’s how it went south. We were standing in front of the garage looking in and he says, “Have you tried cleaning?” It sort of ruined my day. Not right away mind you. It simmered and festered until Sunday and then it reared up like a cobra and spit poison in my eyes. What if he was right? Did I need to clean my garage?

Everyone will tell you if you need something, I’ve got it. Sometimes I can find it on the internet faster than on my property but I’ve got it. Linseed oil? Got it. A three foot section of galvanized pipe? Got it. Dental tools? You bet. Crimps, patches, ferrules, fender washers, threaded rod, toilet parts, 12/3 wire, shellac, lacquer thinner, fresh eggs, kindling or schmaltz, I’ve got it... Somewhere. My inventory is large but I’m not Fed Ex, nothing has tracking numbers.

Sunday the fermenting mess Uncle Mikey planted in my brain was bubbling up like cheap champagne. Could he possibly be right and was my garage in need of, gasp and gasp some more, cleaning? Everyone will agree that as nice as he is on the surface he is truly an evil old man. He will ride you into the ground when you are least expecting it. He’ll get you on the tandem and berate you for being slow when he’s got his feet up drinking a margarita and smoking a Puro Cubano. (Romeo y Julietta, he thinks he’s a romantic.)

Then again, he’s a physicist and understands how things work in the universe. He’s so smart he could probably just come over and tell me where my stuff is and I wouldn’t have to Googol Earth my shop. Smarts aren’t everything. He still rides 12 hours races even though it is perfectly clear he’s too damn old. If he’d stay off the podium we could have him committed or at least, restrained.

Evil Mikey, Smart Mikey, leave well enough alone? clean the garage?
I would have just kicked him into the ditch on the Sunday ride but he went and tickled cactus instead of being manly. So, left to my own designs, I spent the late afternoon and early evening cleaning a large section of my garage. If you think, for one moment, that I should have cleaned the whole garage, don’t come over asking me for a part you need. You have terribly underestimated the volume of stuff. There is a glass studio, a jewelry bench and a pickup truck sharing the garage with me and my enterprises

So what’s keeping me from kneecapping the sweet, loyal old guy we call Uncle Mikey? After all, he did spoil an afternoon I could have spent drinking beer with the cats. He disturbed the delicate balance of my own uncertainty. Why is Uncle Mikey not a corpse? Why is he allowed to remain in this plane of existence?

His apocalyptic remark was not uttered in hearing range of my wife.

However, should he ever mention cleaning anything other than a bicycle in front of my darling young bride, his life will be a living hell. I’ll tell his lovely charming wife how much he spends on his bikes. I'll laugh my self silly as I polish the baseboards to a solar envy shine.

Oh, just as an aside, the garage looks pretty good.

Road Trip Tucson part 2

There was a comment to the last post that needs its own post in response. Eddie (fast or crazy take your pick just don’t mix them) asked; “ There are a bunch of pro cyclists out there this time of year... come across any?” Now this is a very good question. Tucson is a winter magnet for riders all over the country. Mt. Lemon is one of the top 100 climbs in the country. 7,000 feet of climbing in 27 miles with an average grade of 6%. It goes through seven climate zones and I would have challenged it myself this year were it not for the ice five miles up. (Sometimes I get all the luck.)

Tom Danielson was in Tucson recently and whupped on the locals in a 14 mile TT. He also set a course record. That’s what happens when pro’s show up to local events. I am sure there are more pros lurking in the shadows of Mt. Lemon. Some of the guys I rode with are former pros.

But all of this colorful discourse does nothing to answer Eddie’s question. Did I come across any pros? First of all I am called Speedo because I don’t believe in wasting time. I am the first one out of the parking lot every time. I am usually the first to empty my tank, why wait and get dropped really far from home? Unless there was a pro in the parking lot I doubt I would have come across one.

I might have seen one but, I wear bifocals, not binoculars. To have been close enough to see one, he would have had to have been in the parking lot. Then again, I’m so quick getting out of the parking lot, I probably missed him. Damn I’m fast.

Road Trip Tucson part 1

The wife and I did our annual trip to Tucson the first week of February. Officially we went to the Gem and Mineral Show to buy, get this, gems and minerals! I get to wander around with a loupe, calipers and a micro UV light pretending I know what I am doing. If you THINK you are tough, try taking a class in Biphasic and Triphasic Inclusions in Beryl at 8 AM, ahem, slightly hungover. Penance is carrying a backpack with 30 pounds of rock around all over Tucson. Rock is defined here as anything heavy and consists of pearls, semiprecious and gem quality beads, glass and tools.

Last year my wife, hereafter known as Nancy, took a class and I rented a bike. She had a great time, as did I. This year we did the same thing. She once again had a great time and I suffered albeit enjoyably.

The bike I rented last year was a midlevel Giant and it was less than stellar. This year the guys at Fair Wheel Bikes (http://www.fairwheelbikes.com/) upgraded their rental line and provided me with a Scott Speedster. (http://www.scottusa.com/product.php?UID=9760). It was not as nice as my nearly perfect Co-Motion but was a very good substitute.

I went out the first day by myself and did a 40 miler in the SW foothills. Nothing major in the way of climbing, unless you are a flatlander like me, and the pace was leisurely. I would have gone faster but there was a nagging desire to check the map and not get lost.

Saturday I went out with “Tom’s Boys aka Picor aka Genuine Draft”. This could have been a lapse in judgment. It was brutally cold when I left the hotel. the thermometers were saying 32° and by the time I rode the seven miles or so to the ride my feet were pretty much out of the loop. I rode with these guys last year for a very short time. I needed to get back to “work” and bowed out early. This year I had plenty of time, a little short on conditioning perhaps, but lots of time.

Smart money said pack a map and wear your bifocals so you can read it. The route changed in the parking lot and my map was rendered useless. The guys were nice enough to not drop me out in the boonies. We went to The Saguaro National Forest East and did an eight mile loop around the park.

The ranger will tell you the first left is a doozy and he isn’t lying. It drops straight down into a right hand turn and it’s a roller coaster ride after that. Those aren’t hay bales on the roadside either, they are cactus. The road had new asphalt all the way around and I held up pretty good until we hit the climb up the back. It did not look all that steep but I ran out of gears in a hurry and the lead guys were in a different time zone real fast. I wheezed my way up, not the last guy in the pack but challenging his spot the whole way. When we regrouped the consensus was that it was a real puker and we should do the second lap a little slower. Well the bottom part was slower if you do some sort of funny bi-demensional Escher math but the climb was very reasonable. We actually climbed as a group.

The way home was interesting. I thought we were done. The shoulder was narrow and rough. I was wrong as usual. These guys hit it fairly hard and actually stayed in a single file. I hung on for dear life and was overjoyed to discover this was not a fast ride.

I’ll be back again next year. Punishment is much nicer when it is not routine and, these guys are fun.

(more soon)